Facing Dying, Death and Funerals
Dying, death, bereavement and funerals will crash into your busy life uninvited, and unwanted. And, having to face any form of dying or death, can be catastrophic.
Each adds pressure, steals time, makes demands and requires attention, when you’re not available because you’re upset, distraught and stretched by circumstances. And, yet, you have to deal with their requirements, their effects and the torments and frustrations they bring.
What’s more, you have to do this whilst also trying to deal with those around you face of the avalanche of what needs doing –
practical stuff, emotional reactions, and (if you believe) dealing with spiritual concerns. And, not forgetting – managing family political, financial and legal matters, too.
However, there are ways to deal with item; it all starts with you feeling more empowered to cope with them, through understanding what requires your attention and your actions. I’m currently writing a book about how to do just that; my blog has some of my book’s content in it.
Dealing with the practicalities at the time of dying, or after death:
- Physical –
- if it’s dealing with dying – how to provide all the support – food, care, love, time, resources, timetables, transport, shopping, attention, to name but a few
- if it’s after death – who to contact, what services are required, deciding on the funeral, who to tell – when and how, finding all the paperwork; allocating tasks etc.
- Emotional –
- if it’s dealing with dying – handling the emotions of the person facing their mortality; handling your own emotions and those you care for; dealing with extended family, parents, siblings and others affecting by circumstances
- if it’s after death – there’s your own grief, shock and mourning and that of all those around you, people who you care for and look after; it’s often a huge burden, particularly if you care for others, e.g. as a mother
- Spiritual – (if you believe in it) –
- if it’s dealing with dying – you have potential dilemmas here – your own spiritual beliefs, those of the person who is dying and those of your family and community, and they may not all be the same; these can prove to be times of existential crisis
- if it’s after death – much like for the time of dying, but with the rawness of loss and grief, these spiritual and/or religious requirements can bring all sorts of conflict to the situation
- Financial –
- if it’s dealing with dying – how to manage all the daily costs and care packages that need paying for; specialist transport; meals, bills, organising finances to deal with both the day-to-day and the long-term requirements; preparing for the end, funeral expenses and legal costs etc.
- if it’s after death – making sure money is available to cover the necessary and if not, how to manage what’s needed
- Legal –
- if it’s dealing with dying – fulfilling what the dying person’s requests; ensuring the will is up to date; transferring or managing property or family assets etc.
- if it’s after death – certificate of death; coroner’s court, if required; probate; management of the estate; completing bequests; contacting banks, financial institutions, cancelling subscriptions… and all the other multitude of legal matters to tie-up someone’s life.
…enough to make your head spin! A caring supportive, practical, well-held, third-party viewpoint can prove invaluable to keep you on track throughout the process.
Consider Making Use of a Professional:
Any area of life has people available to help you along the path you have to deal with. End of life services when dying, dealing with death, funerals, grief & bereavement, and funerals, is no different.
- you’ll have someone used to what you face
- you’ll have someone used to dealing with the concerns you have and access to the resources you require
- you’ll have someone outside the turmoil(s) you face, able to overview the circumstances, whilst providing support, care and advice to deal with the issues
- you’ll have someone able to hold the space and help you through, which can prove invaluable!
Let Me Introduce Myself and My Work
I am a fully-trained, qualified and insured Independent Funeral Celebrant who has completed my level three OCN verified, nationally recognised diploma with Green fuse
My work is specialised non-denominational funerals, dealing with the living funerals dying people require, death and bereavement, and supporting people through the complexities associated with these matters, in a caring, considered manner.
Want to know more about something? Please connect!
What Would You Like to Know About?
Within you, you have remarkable resources to deal with any time of transition (change or loss) that affects your life.
You just need to [re-]find these resources.
Potential solution: Choose a service that enables you to deal with both the acute/current problem – a transition, loss, bereavement – and empowers you towards your own independence towards the future.
Do this and you’ll attain incredibly powerful results and clarity. Click here for more information.
Being 35 – 65 [in midlife] is a potent time of challenge when you become increasingly aware of mortality and death – of parents, of family – even your own… Parents age, children grow, things change and life demands so much…
Everything gathered together makes coping impossible as heartbreaks, sanity and conflicting emotions struggle to deal with such demands. And you feel a sense of loss of self; even traumatised.
Potential solution: Choose a holistic Midlifer Life-Changing bespoke service that’s, personalised to you and your needs.
Options include: herbal medicine, personalised mentoring and care to explore and find your own sense of well-being. Click here for more information.
End of Life & Living Funerals
Each individual is unique and deserves their opportunity to celebrate their life whilst hale of mind, if not hale in body. To lift a glass with loved ones, to smile, to touch, to hug, to have one last dance. To laugh; to cry.
Potential solution: Living funerals or “awake wakes” are special, well-held spaces for one at end of life to say their farewells in person. For family and friends to make memories; share love; to remember the beauty of life, even as life is fading.
You get to celebrate your life together unrestricted by chapel times and death getting in the way. Click here for more information.
Dealing with Death
At death, the person we knew is no more. Losing their personality changes everything and forms much of the grief you may face – you may longer hold them, care for them, or experience their presence for they are silent. But your love is not.
Cultural beliefs may include don’t discuss “it” for it may be contagious; ignore it; fear it; don’t acknowledge it. If you follow these ideas, then death can’t overwhelm you…
These old customs encourage keeping silent about the painful, frightening things of life. Whilst no one may listen to how you feel, they will tell you should deal with your emotions, to fix your mind, thoughts and feelings. Question is: how would you like to feel?
Potential solution: When you choose to release bottled up emotions without judgement, you’ll feel cared for and released from the darkness of pain.
This can be achieved by regaining perspective of your life through airing what you’re thinking and feeling about your grief. With a person detached from the rest of your world in a safe, confidential environment. Click here for more information.
There are many ways to design or host a funeral. For some people, tradition is essential; for others, a service without the sombre, formalised rituals suits them as a preference.
Many modern funerals are personalised with a blend of tradition with modern ritual that fits the one who has died, and their family. Whether this is religious, secular, with or without spirituality.
Potential solution: You require a completely different way of doing a funeral. One that encompasses the one who has died; their and your beliefs and rituals; one that fulfils your needs as you say farewell in whatever way works for you. For you have designed and created a funeral you’ll cherish and value by working with a professional. Click here for more information.
Grief & Bereavement
Grief – the experience of loss and how you deal with it – is very individual to you.
Loss comes in many forms; the end of a life, the end of a relationship, the end of a role at work, significant life changes such as moving home or a health crisis…
One description of grief is “heartbreak”, a devastation that may influence an entire life, to be invisibly ingrained with far-reaching effects.
How you respond to these knocks and heartbreaks depends upon your resilience and perspective.
Potential solution: When you gain a fresh perspective, you arrive at a place you can deal with something that [invisibly] traps you. On release, you can regain your inner strength to face life. Click here for more information.